Thursday, November 5, 2009

fuck dancing, put your skates on!

i first saw derby girls when i was walking home past the melbourne museum. i almost tripped over myself watching them. i wasn't sure at first what they were doing, but i was in awe. i stopped and watched them for a minute, amazed at their style - hella tough and hella sexy. once it dawned on me who they were, i knew. i knew that i was a derby girl too.

it was a couple of years later that i started hearing about bouts. a work friend took me along one time cos she'd seen a doco on the roller derby and decided that i couldn't live another minute without witnessing it. and from the second the girls rolled out, i was hooked and felt again that sense of belonging.

i think roller derby is revolutionary. it's powerful, feminist, inspiring, fun, cool, tough. it's all i've been thinking about since i bought my skates.

the problem is, i take pain way too seriously. i've known this for a long time and i've spent a lot of time struggling with it. i have a bunch of tattoos but i hate getting them. i go through hell in the lead up to any appointments and am entirely anxious throughout the whole process. my tattooist thinks i'm hilarious (and lame). i gave birth last year. i felt clear that i wanted to have a normal birth, with no medical interventions so i spent my whole pregnancy thinking about pain and my relationship to it. i succeeded in that i had a 42 hour labour with no pain relief at all. what an amazing accomplishment. the next step for me is to join the roller derby. i don't want the fear of pain to stop me from doing incredible things. i want to show my daughter that we can overcome significant fears by launching right in. i intend to prove to her that fear will not stop me and by doing so my hope is that fear wont stop her.

i've been skating with a bunch of excellent women for a few weeks, all of us hopeful to make the league. we start bootcamp in 3 days and each of us is sick with excitement. partly, i'm nervous, afraid of failure, afraid i'll suck, afraid i'll be afraid. i'm also eager, determined, future focussed and wrapt to have met so many rad ladies.

emma goldman said "if i cant dance to it, it's not my revolution". i say 'fuck dancing, put your skates on!'.

xx darth ada xx

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