Wednesday, November 11, 2009

two points.

i want to write about my experience at the intersection of roller derby and motherhood. and there are two points i want to make.

1. i chatted to Titasaurus during one of the water breaks at bootcamp on sunday. she mentioned something about her daughter and i realised suddenly that i hadn't thought about pippa for at least an hour. i was awash with guilt. Titasaurus said 'that's the point, roller derby is yours. you're not a mum here. it's about you'. when you're a parent, your life revolves around your child/ren. everything changes, gets put on hold. your perspective and priorities shift. the world is a different place because now you're someone's mum. but not when you've got your skates on. i've committed more time to skating than anything else since pippa's been born. and i think that it makes me a better parent. certainly it makes me a better role model. i've found something that's just mine, thats about me and that's pretty damn ace.

2. so day 1 of bootcamp ruled. but for the past 3 days, i've barely been able to walk. sitting and standing have been a problem. i didn't fall over or injure myself, but i worked hard. i'm not athletic, so my body gets a big surprise when i make it do physical activities. i don't have the pleasure of a full nights sleep so there's no opportunity to rejuvinate. there's no rest in my day and i cant call in sick. lifting pippa has been painful. my point is that my ability to parent has been effected. if i hurt myself, it makes everything else much harder. nothing in my life can change, no one else can be pippa's mum, so if i'm hurt i just need to carry on as usual. that's gnarly.

i don't really know what any of this means at this point. i don't want to compromise my capacity as a parent and i don't want to give up roller derby. i don't know if i'm strong enough for this. i hope i am, but there's no precedent. this is all new ground. scary, awesome ground.

xx darth ada xx

1 comment:

  1. I can relate, but I keep telling myself the pain is temporary and the increased fitness will help me be a better mother....in time.

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